The Most Magical Day of My Life Was the Worst Day of Yours

Dear Foster Love,

I hope by now you know how delighted I am with every brilliant, amazing, difficult, kind, fragile, damaged and perfect piece of you. I love you in a thousand ways. I love your silly sense of humor, and your beautiful smile. I am in awe of your perfect little soul that has been so hurt but remains powerful and good capable of so much. Being your momma has forced me out of my comfort zone and into the unknown. I am proud of the things I’ve learned and done and the feelings I’ve felt since knowing you, but I have only done those things because your wonderful little self has inspired me to it.

This is where it gets tricky.

Your arrival in my world is one of the most magical things I could ever experience, but the circumstances that brought you here are among the most terrible any person could withstand. Your agony and behaviors tell a heartbreaking story. I’m so sorry, sweet little foster love. I’m so sorry that these things happened to you, and I’m sorry for the days that followed and all the things that layered trauma on top of trauma as you were moved from one home to the next. I’m sorry about what brought you here, and if I could wish it all away and erase your trauma and put you back safely in your home of origin, I would do it in instant.

But I can’t.

And I rejoice in you every day. I love taking care of you. I am happy to have you sweet baby, but I am so so sad you’re here. It’s a cruel world that made the most magical day of my life the worst day of yours, but if anyone can overcome it, it’s you.

With all my love,

Momma

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